You have free will to choose to stay or go in the relationship, as fate is not written in stone,
and can be changed every day through your choices.  Yet, you show some difficulties in
communication with him, and with commitment, on both sides.  Just so that you know, there
are 5 basic levels of commitment in a relationship:

1.    Dating and going out together (No sexual intimacy at this level).
2.    Dating each other only, (dating exclusively and some intimacy, not sex).
3.    Engagement; a commitment to making the relationship permanent.
            Intimacy is OK here.  By now you are making plans for a future together, and
            it is safe and constructive to trust at a physical level.  Women who give in to
            sex before this stage, often pay the price of loosing their partner, and their dignity.
4.    Marriage, the fourth stage, is the goal of the relationship.
5.    Stage 5 is supporting the marriage and working on maintaining the bond.

It is very important to go through each of these levels, and to spend time in each,
while recognizing the needs of your partner, and your own needs as well.

Talk to him, without pushing him.  When you push him to do something, you actually
make him go the other way, the opposite way.   Talk to him, and just say, here is what
I know about commitment, where do you think we are now.  Once you agree upon this
one thing, then you have a map for the relationship.  Having a map for the relationship,
takes the pressure off of both parties, and it is a very important step in developing a
long term relationship.

Women tend to push men into marriage.  Sometimes, they also tend to be intimate
sooner than what they are comfortable with.  They do this, because they fear that the
man will leave if they are not intimate.  Then the woman, generally, will have doubts,
and want commitment, because she is afraid that he will leave.  And, because she is
feeling very vulnerable, having become intimate without a good emotional foundation.
He might, at this point, be scared, and feel pushed.  He might feel on the spot, and
yes, leave.  Just so you know, this scenario happens, and it happens daily.

My sister dated many men when she was young.  She would date 1 for a month or so,
and become intimate with them, figuring that the relationship was safe.  They were soon
gone.  Then, for about 5 years, she didn't date at all, because she saw a pattern in what
was happening in her relationships.

Then, she met someone very nice.  They dated for 1 year, and were not intimate outside
of kissing.  When he would drop her off at her apartment, she would kiss him good
night, and tell him to go home and have a cold shower.  He loved her, so he respected
her boundaries.  After a year he proposed, and the day before their wedding they slept
together for the first time.  Their wedding was one of love and trust.  They were both sure
that they were marrying the right person.

Their relationship was strong because they took their time, and got to know each other.
She had figured out, that intimacy is actually a way to destroy a relationship when there
is not enough emotional foundation.

Listen to these words.  They will save you years of heartache.

The bottom line in a healthy relationship, is to go at the pace that is comfortable for you
both.  If you go at your partner's pace, you might soon find yourself feeling overwhelmed.
The pace of the relationship, needs to be talked about, and contemplated.  Then, you both
know where the relationship is, and it takes the pressure off you.  It takes time to create a
solid relationship built on trust.  Give yourselves this time.

For those who are already married the 5th. stage of supporting the marriage, and working
on it, is primary for success.  If you get married, and don't work to support each other, and
put your partner first, you will soon find yourself disappointed in what you have.  Dating
doesn't stop at the door of the wedding.  The husband needs to continue to court his wife,
for life.  The wife needs to continue to appreciate her mate, and the things that he does for
her.  Both must put their partner first, not last, on their list of priorities.

But, these are just words.  It is through the application of your effort, that the love is kept
alive in a good marriage.  To keep your love alive, the battlefield of love, must be won
every day.  The results of your efforts will show in the strength and success of your love
relationship.

Many Blessings,
Whitneay T. Vanwells Ph.D., C.A.S.
Master Spiritual Healer, Identity Counselor, & Ayurveda Health Care Profesional.
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