This was a recent
experience for me, so stay with me, while I try to work through this.
This experience was something that I had searched for my entire life.
It was something that I had died for in other lives, and it was what I
always wanted, I believe, in all of my lives at some level. My longing
for God, I felt as a deep yearning and loneliness. I felt it deep
within me in the dark, quiet night. It was an ache, a pain, that
I could not satisfy with any earthly thing. The God experience that
I eventually received, was riches beyond any words that I could express.
It was beyond diamond rings, money, health, beyond my life, beyond anything
I knew. It was the brass ring at the carnival. I believed that
knowing God was something that I thought I had to be very old to receive.
It was also something that I didn't believe that I deserved.
Now, as I type out my God
experience for you, It is here quietly inside of me. Here is my story
about touching the golden hem of God. It occurred at an unlikely
place, and an unlikely time.
About 5 months ago, on a
last minute decision, I made plans to attend a spiritual seminar in San
Francisco. I am a member of a New Age religion, and sometimes attend
their spiritual seminars. I live is Sacramento, about a 3 hour drive
from the seminar site, so it was not far to drive. I could have signed
up for this seminar many months in advance. But, no. I had
to wait until the last strike of the clock, before I decided to go.
The day of the seminar, I
find myself driving down the freeway heading to San Francisco, in 'Grace',
my emerald green Ford Taurus. It is around 6 AM on Saturday morning.
I am planning to stay at the seminar only for the day, so I don't have
to pay for a hotel room and spend the night there. I am very empathic,
and the energy in hotel rooms prove to be too course for me. I am
playing Kenney G on the car radio, and the Masters are talking to me inwardly,
as usual. I have heard the Masters, and seen them for over 20 years.
They are suggesting to me, that I should receive a spiritual aide session
at the seminar. I am thinking, "Are you sure? I am handling
things pretty well right now..."
But, they continue.
'Consider getting a session'.... "OK", I finally agree out loud.
The Masters never suggest anything that is wrong for me. I figure
it will be something about my meditations, or something about my healing
practice, or something, well, I didn't even know...
After 3 hours of driving,
I arrive in San Francisco at the hotel where the seminar is taking place.
It is past 9 AM when I arrive, and the upscale hotel is humming with the
energies from the Souls attending. I register, and walk into the
main hall. It is big enough for over 1,000 people. I am a bit
nervous about coming late, and I gingerly usher through the back, to the
other side of this great conference hall, and find a single seat in the
last row. No one really gives a hoot if I am there or not.
And, I am not sure if I give a hoot either, accept, little dollops of love
are starting to tingle inside of my heart center. I feel the
wonderful energy of this great room, and the God Lovers in attendance.
It takes me a few minutes
to settle in, and by then, we have moved into many small groups, with our
chairs in small circles. There are 6 in my group, all women, and
we talk with each other about our life experiences, and the spiritual exercises.
I am still not with the program, though. After this talk is finished,
I wonder off to the book room, to see what is new, and buy some new books,
tapes, and just enjoy the ambiance of the spiritual literature that is
loaded with Light and Love.
I still don't think anything
about the spiritual counseling session that the Masters suggested that
I receive. I go to lunch, have a fat, luscious, ham sandwich with
potato salad. I am sitting alone in the restaurant, as I am here
after the lunch crowd. It is nice to have my space.
After lunch, I wander off
to receive the spiritual aide session, and learn more about what I need
to do to advance myself on the Path. I try to sign up for the counseling
session, and the man taking my name, thinks I am one of 'Them'. 'No,
I am here to GET a session', I tell him, and I give him my full name.
He asks me if I want to talk to a man, or a woman, for my spiritual aide
session. I have already talked to the man behind the counter, several
years previous to this, so I ask for a woman. I go sit myself down
in a soft hotel chair, and wait for the spiritual counselor. In a
few minutes, she nervously walks up to me.
She is very feminine and
wears a pretty dress with flowers. She introduces herself.
She is nervous, and I am thinking, 'I wonder if I am wasting my time here'.
It takes us over 10 minutes to find a vacant workshop room, and she is
still nervous about the session. I am trying to be patient.
I am telling myself, that I should just relax with this. If she needs
time to find the right place, that's OK.
We find a large room, about
60 by 60 feet, maybe larger. The room holds over 100 chairs, but
it is vacant accept for ourselves. She shuts the heavy double doors
behind us, and we find a couple of comfortable arm less chairs, and settle
in. She asks me if I have anything special that I want to ask about,
and I briefly mention work, and relationships. We begin. She
instructs me to close my eyes, and together we sing a soft gentle mantra,
the HU, an ancient name for God. Inwardly, she is guiding me on a
meditation, or I think she is guiding me. "I meet the Master, and
he hugs you", she says to me. "You are near the ocean..." I
have seen this place inwardly, many times before.
I see the ocean, the Master,
and an intense bright Light in the sky far away. "You are walking
along a path with the Master..." she continues. She is still talking
about something, only now, I am not hearing her. Instead, inwardly
I see the Master take a knife, and he cuts a deep wound in his index finger.
I am not surprised at this for some reason, as I have many Indian past
lives. This is an initiation of commitment to Spirit and to God.
I take the knife, and also cut a lesser wound in my own index finger.
We are standing over a small creek that feeds into the Ocean below.
Our small drops of blood mingle, and then pass downstream into the Ocean
waves. There is sun, and wind. It is beautiful, fresh, and
clear here. I am happy to be with the Master. I feel my commitment
to the Master, and to Holy Spirit. I do not feel sad, but tears fall
gently down my cheeks, some kind of release.
The Master and I stand on
a gentle hill facing the ocean. The Master is to my left. He
turns, and gives me a hug. It is like the unconditional hug a child
gives, open, caring, and real. My heart opens fully and I receive his unconditional
love. I surrender. I hear the counselor off in the far distance,
talking about what I am experiencing.
The huge Bright Light in
the sky comes near to us. It is powerful. It is radiant, like
a million suns. I have seen it many times before, but not this close.
It does not hurt either of us. It rests in front of us, and above
us. It sends a powerful stream of energy, like an atomic flame thrower
blast, that passes through the solar plexus of the Master, who stands next
to me on my left. It does not pass through from from to his back,
but passes into him. I watch, and the Master shows no adverse affects
from this huge amount of energy. He stands solid, with a gentle smile,
facing the huge White Light, receiving the blast of energy willingly.
By now, I am having a Knowingness.
I am knowing why we cannot face God alone. The energy would either
destroy us, or make us insane. The Master must receive the God energy,
and filter this energy to us.
Small white rays of this
radiant energy comes from the Master to me. The rays are so small,
that I can hardly see them. Small rays of this energy, also come
to me directly from The Big Light in the sky. I learn later, the
significance of the small rays, and that they were not really so small.
It hasn't hit me yet, what
is going on. I see the Master all the time. I see the Ocean,
and the Big Light. This has happened many times before. The
only difference this time is that I am completely open and Surrender.
I am in alignment with the Master. I am not afraid. I have
no walls inside of me; no hiding, no desire to be any place else.
About 5 or 10 minutes have
passed since we started the spiritual aide session. My spiritual
counselor is talking again, and I am able to listen to her. She ends
the session, and gives me some time to get 'back', to my physical body.
I feel good. I feel like I have been digging ditches all day, but
I feel good. A powerful energy is now inside of me.
She intently starts to ask
me some questions. I am not sure what she is getting at..."Do you
realize that you joined with the Master?" (I don't tell her about the blood
initiation). I am trying to listen to what she is saying, even though
some of it is blurry. She says, "To join with the Master is to join
with God."....Ah...The Big Light. It sinks. I realize what
happened. She is grateful that she could help. She is happy.
She says "You got the prize! You got the prize of all prizes, at
this seminar!" She is very animated. I am dazed with
the million watts of energy I was exposed to. I understand what she
is saying, and by now we are both crying but they are happy tears.
I am crying, but I am also some what off balance from the 'little rays'.
I tell her about the Big
Light. She tells me that she didn't see It.
I am dumb founded, stirred,
and grateful. We end the session, and we both thank the Master for
the experience. There is much more to her then what I gave her credit
for. I will never forget her.
Still loaded with Spirit,
I wander off to the seminar again.
For the rest of the seminar,
I talked a lot, about almost anything to anyone that would listen.
I did not tell anyone what had happened. It was too new, too personal,
too important. It is easy to talk about other things. I am
charged. I am on over load, happy, and in a state of bliss.
I am slightly burned from the energies of the experience, but I don't care.
It is around 7 PM, before
I make it back to Grace. After I take the keys from the attendant
in the parking area of the hotel, I get into Grace, turn the key
in the ignition. I start to cry great deep sobs. I move the
car gently onto the quiet San Francisco street. Alone, I let my feelings
fall where they may.
It is a long drive back to
Sacramento, but time that I needed to be by myself. I am crying buckets
going through the toll gate for the Bay Bridge. I am quiet, wet with
tears, and quickly hand the attendant the money. I wonder if he can
see what happened? Later down the road, I am talking out loud again
to the Masters...., "Thank you! Thank you so much! Thank you
for loving me this MUCH! THIS MUCH!"
The drive is long, and the
road is intimate. I am every crack, every turn of it. I can't
drive fast with tears in my eyes. I know that I will never be the
same. I know that my life has changed forever....There is a deep
relief residing inside of me. I am living in a new spiritual Home.
For some time after the seminar,
several weeks later, I was still assimilating the experience. Now,
many months later, I still am. I spent my life running after a beautiful
golden prize, and finally I caught it. The only thing that I ever
wanted was God. I worked hard to find It. Only it caught me.
Receiving this Blessing is from Surrender to the Master. Now I know
what real surrender is. All that I ever read about it, can not be
explained in words. It is loving the Master with complete trust,
and an open heart. It is loving back. It is being willing to
be vulnerable. It is willingness to die. It is receiving His
love. It is love. It is relief. It is not having to run
so hard any more.
Now, what do I do?.... I
have many questions. For weeks I ask myself, 'What now?'
Now,... it is time for giving
service. That is what is left. That is all that is left.
My life has changed forever, yet my life is still the same. A mountain
is still a mountain. It is the same mountain, just the other side
of it,.. looking at it from a different view point.
As I write this, a deep sigh
of relief echoes through me. My fingers flew of their own accord,
as this story unfolded on this page. I am feeling some what reluctant
to share this intimate experience with you now. And, I am also happy
to do so. This is the most important thing that ever happened to
me, but, I am not sure what it will mean to you. I only know what
it means to me. This is my God experience.
And, so I say:
As I stand at the Hem of
God, I say "I Love You".
END.
